BEWARE:

Two wrongs are only the beginning
Itís all bullshit before BUT.
Favours can become duties.
Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.
Projects cost twice as much but are only half as good as promised.
Walls keep the rest of the world out.....but they also keep you in.
When you meet Miss right, check that her first name isn't ALWAYS.
They kill the willing horses first.
Trying is the first step on the road to failure.
Constants aren't and variables won't
The hardness of the butter.....is proportional to the softness of the bread
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
All that is gold does not always glitter
The opposite of love is not hate but indifference
Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
Of the light at the end of the tunnel ......it may be an oncoming TRAIN
Two common lies.... the cheque is in the post & of course I love you
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..... CONFUCIUS HE SAY:
man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day
man with hole in back pocket feel cheeky all day

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M.B.E .... my bleeding effort
O.B.E.... other buggers efforts

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FRIDAY IS POET'S DAY.. ..Piss Off Early Tomorrow Saturday

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Stress is when you wake up screaming and then realise you werenít asleep.
††††††††† ************************** DON'T JUST ADD YEARS TO YOUR LIFE....ADD LIFE TO YOUR YEARS!

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A CLEAR CONSCIENCE IS USUALLY THE SIGN OF A BAD MEMORY

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EXPERIENCE IS SOMETHING YOU GET.....just after you need it

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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism,.....TO STEAL FROM MANY IS RESEARCH.

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RULES ARE FOR THE GUIDANCE OF THE WISE.....but the obedience of the foolish

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HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY ...sometimes

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LIARS NEED GOOD MEMORIES

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PEOPLE WHO ASK DON'T GET......... people who don't ask don't want

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IT'S MIND OVER MATTER††† ....I don't mind and you don't matter

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WHY BE DIFFICULT......with a little effort you can be bloody impossible

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BORROW MONEY FROM PESSIMISTS.....they don't expect it back.

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I'M A LEGEND IN MY OWN MIND

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NOBODY GIVES YOU SOMETHING FOR NOTHING †††††....except your family if you're lucky

I'M A LEGEND IN MY OWN MIND

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IF I HAD A BRAIN....I'd be dangerous

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NOBODY EVER SAID ON THEIR DEATHBED†† ...."I wish I had spent more time at work"

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REVENGE IS SWEET
RETRIBUTION IS SWEETER
.....but Justice is best

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THE ONLY TIME THAT SUCCESS COMES BEFORE WORK
...is in the dictionary

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SAY NOT WITH SADNESS "HE IS DEAD".....BUT SAY WITH GLADNESS THAT "HE WAS"

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He knows he cost of everything....BUT THE VALUE OF NOTHING.

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CREAM FLOATS. ..... shit sinks

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Saying sorry doesn't make it better

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MONEY CANíT BUY HAPPINESS .....but itís easier to be miserable in comfort.

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IN GOD WE TRUST....... others pay cash

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IF YOU CAN`T DAZZLE WITH BRILLIANCE....... then baffle with bullshit

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A SQUEAKING AXLE ...... Gets most grease

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Heaven is where the police are British, the cooks are French, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian and it's all organized by the Swiss.

Hell is where the police are German, the cooks are British, the mechanics are†††††
French, the lovers are Swiss and everything is organized by the Italians.

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LIFE IS A SHIT SANDWICH.......the more bread you have the less shit you have to eat

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GET YOUR BRAIN IN GEAR.†††††† ...... before your mouth starts moving.

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GOD HELP ME KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT ... until I know what I am saying

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Razors pain you
Acids stain you
Guns aren't lawful
†† Gas smells awful
††† Rivers are damp
†††† Poisons cause cramp
††††† Nooses give
You might as well live

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LIFE IS A BOWL OF CHERRIES...so why do I always get the stones
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EVERYTHING CHANGES....NOTHING IS FOREVER
††††††††† ...... except the big D

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DON'T FIGHT BATTLES THAT AREN'T WORTH WINNING

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DON'T MAKE PROMISES YOU CAN'T OR WON'T KEEP

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PEOPLE ARE PROMOTED ......to the level of their incompetence

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DON'T GET MAD, ...... GET EVEN

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I DON'T WANT TO MAKE THAT COMMITMENT, LET'S JUST LIVE TOGETHER
......really means, I'm still looking for someone better

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YOU WON'T FIND OUT ......IF YOU DON'T ASK

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DON'T BOX PEOPLE INTO CORNERS......always leave room for manoeuvre

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RULES FOR PARTNERSHIP
what's yours is mine, ...... what's mine is my own

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THERE ARE TWO WAYS OF LOOKING AT A PROBLEM
......MY WAY and the wrong way

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THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO PROOF ....that life must be taken seriously

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1ST LAW OF OFFICIALDOM
Whenever more than 3 people are gathered together
...... they must form a sub-committee
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AT 15 HE IS HEARD TO REMARK
'MY PARENTS ARE SO STUPID, THEY KNOW NOTHING'
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AT 25 HE IS HEARD TO REMARK
'MY PARENTS HAVE LEARNT A LOT IN THE LAST 10 YEARS'
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AT 45 HE IS HEARD TO REMARK
'MY PARENTS ARE QUITE CLEVER NOW'

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BELIEF IN GOD DEFINITELY EXISTS....although there is no proof that God definitely exists

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DEFINITION OF AN ECONOMIST
....somebody who knows all the positions in the Karma Sutra but has no partner.

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BE GOOD,
IF YOU CAN'T BE GOOD BE CAREFUL
IF YOU CAN'T BE CAREFUL BUY A PRAM

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IF BUTTERED TOAST ALWAYS LANDS BUTTER SIDE DOWN
††† AND CATS ALWAYS LAND ON THEIR FEET
....what would happen if you tied a piece of buttered toast to the back of a cat?

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IT`S TOUGH AT THE BOTTOM

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THE EASIEST WAY TO FIND SOMETHING YOU'VE LOST.....is to buy another one

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SOME DRINK FROM THE FOUNTAIN OF KNOWLEDGE..... but many only gargle

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PERFECTION IS IN THE EYES OF THE BEHOLDER....especially when looking in a mirror
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PEARLS OF WISDOM....should they be worn with an evening dress?

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IF THE BIBLE CAME FROM GOD AND GOD KNOWS EVERYTHING
†††††††††††††††††† .why is there no mention of dinosaurs?

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ITS NICE TO IMPORTANT ..... But more important to be NICE

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WHY DO TODAY WHAT YOU CAN PUT OFF UNTIL TOMORROW


EGG-CUPS? Are they the best place to keep shell suits.

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Why is it so that people who play their stereo at full volume always have rotten music
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IN LIFE THERE ARE MANY SHADOWS but the sunshine makes them all

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†††††††† What's the point of being the richest person in the graveyard?

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