Shorts 1


 

What is the mating call of a Essex girl?
  "I'm sooooo drunk!"

       

Why should Essex girls not be given coffee breaks?
  It takes too long to retrain them.

       

What do you call a skeleton in a closet?
 The 1983 Essex girl Hide and Seek Champion.

 

What do you call two skunks that are 69ing?
 Odour eaters.

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

 

Mom's have Mother's Day, Father's have Father's Day. What do

single guys have?  Palm Sunday

 

"Your place or mine?"

"Both. 
You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

 

Two wrongs are only the beginning
     

"I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy."

 

"You mean you've got a Great Dane and a donkey?"


SCENE: Two women are chatting.
 I have a peculiar ailment.  Whenever I sneeze, I have an orgasm!
 That's incredible.  What are you taking for it?
 Pepper

 

What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead politician in the road? 

 There are skid marks in front of the dog.

 

      What's the fastest way to get a nun pregnant?

Dress her up as an altar boy.


What’s black and blows raspberries at passing ships?
Crude oil
 

If you think nobody cares about you,
try missing a couple of payments.

       
To succeed in politics,
it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

     
Him:  "So what do you do for a living?"

Her: "I'm a female impersonator."

 

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

 A nervous wreck.

 

How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood? 

His hand caught fire.

 
What do you call Santa's helpers? 

Subordinate Clauses.


You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
 
Which English king was a chiropodist?
William the Corn Curer
 
DYSLEXIC DEVIL WORSHIPPER------- sold his soul to SANTA.       
       
What`s green and smells of pork?

Kermit`s finger

       
I went  to a dyslexic rave party and was shocked to find people taking F

       
 Scene: A posh lady having an orgasm
 “Oh  My God I’m arriving”
       
I THOUGHT AN ITCHY FANNY WAS A JAPANESE MOTOR BIKE
       

What's long and thin covered in skin, red in parts and goes in tarts?

Rhubarb

       

IS THERE A DOG?  at 3.30am

.. a TV programme for agnostic, dyslexic insomniacs

       
What is the difference between a Weasel and a Stoat?

One is weasily identified but the other is stoatally different
LAUGH.......I thought my knickers would never dry

       

What do you call a woman with no knickers sitting on a newspaper

A lip reader
       

 


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